Through my long journey of learning what self-love actually is and naturally healing my gut, I am beginning to accept my body. Despite the pains, it is perfect, whole and complete because this is my divine path. My dharma.
I decided to spontaneously shave my head. I realized I didn’t need anything in the outside world to make me happy, not even the luscious curls that used to sit upon my head.
After this release and renewal, a new feeling started to fully engulf my life. It was like time slowed down, space opened up and softness permeated my being. What was this incredible, slow, simple, lovely feeling? It was the experience of deep inner peace.
I used to struggle with defining, “Who am I?” Am I wild? Am I wise?” I thought I couldn’t be both because they contrast each other. But not so!
There is wisdom in the wild and wild in the wisdom.
To be my highest self, to feel connected to my life force, to my purpose, my truth, my spirit, my soul, my essence… alcohol could not be in the picture.
I decided my drinking days were done. Totally. Completely. Nada. Zilch. Not even a sip. Nothing.
Today, I celebrate my commitment, my success, & my achievement of no alcohol for 3 months.
I've had an incredibly deep journey exploring my mind, heart, gut and soul. In an out. Up and down. Through and through.
But wait… it’s all about me. Me. Me. Me. Me.
Is this selfish?
It’s not that I didn’t have acne, a bloated belly or dirty hair before this vacation. I totally did. Oh my gosh so many times thanks to my food allergies/digestive issues, NZ’s climate causing acne breakouts and not washing my hair to cleanse it of toxins. This time was different though because I didn’t feel my beauty from within.
Should I tame this wild mind?
I thought, “It’s fine where it is. The clouds are fun!”
Lala was lost in Lala land.
I’ve gone from “having it all” to having nothing but feeling like I have more than I could ever want. All my “stuff” fits in a 50L backpack. I have 5 outfits that I wear over and over again. My van is my home, my transport and my life. I have the support of the universe guiding me.
Fear stopped me and I no longer decide to live in fear. I no longer decide to let fear control my life, my decisions, my actions, my projects, my life. I choose to live in love. Live through love. Live for love. And of course, like my tattoo on my left wrist says, live to love.
I’m done hiding my power. I’m done downplaying my knowledge, my skills, my talents, my ideas, my value, my light, my essence, my ability, by purpose, my passion. I know it has been inside me all along and it wasn’t until I met the most inspiring, wonder woman, who saw my full power and what I am capable of that allowed me to see it for myself. To have someone believe in me like that brought me to tears. Why haven’t I believed in myself like that? Why don’t all of us?